personal

Thoughts on Love and Life Just Because I Feel Like Blogging.Β 

What love is supposed to be as told by someone who is a complete fucked up when it comes to relationships. 

I sometimes wonder what love really is so I did seek for answers in the point of view of my friends and people who are in a relationship. In my years of existence I must say that I’ve been broken without even having a boyfriend. It’s also as crazy as moving on even if there’s no breakups involved so it doesn’t mean I’m inexperienced when it comes to love. Been there, done this and that. 

Love can probably be shown in several forms we may notice or not. It is not about being together but being there for each other. It can be not seeing for the longest time yet the flame keeps on burning. It can be working on developing each other to be better individuals despite having different dreams. It is all about growing together to be better. Waking up each day finally makes sense and not more of a chore. It is watching the sun sets so beautifully and hoping for the sun to rise again the next day. It’s about being empowered. It is about what makes your heart warm amidst the coldest weather. It makes you a little poetic when everything between you two can be metaphors.

It is not the ripped off of souls. 

Love I guess should feel that way. I keep on thinking and imagining what love is supposed to be. Is it just a take care, good night thing? Is it just holding each other’s hand on a cold Sunday morning trying to figure out what to do? Is it all about fulfilling our lustful thoughts? Is it about being in a place of comfort?

Perhaps,  love indeed cannot be rationalize. 

But love should makes us better. It strengthens our weak selves, it makes us grow. It should not be dragging. It should not feel more of a responsibility not even an obligation. It should be spontaneous, something to look forward to. It’s about priorities and not begging for time. It’s about the freedom to be yourself with his/her friends/family members. 

It’s about being happy.

Sometimes I believe that life will present you circumstances that you seldom win yet you will eventually understand why the lose was actually necessary for you to win yourself. It is that dire need to extend your patience to wait for the right time when every plan is about to be realized. I must say the universe tricked me but it doesn’t mean I gave up already. 

Probably love has its own season. 

In my quest to find answers to my own questions I get to see how things in the past finally made sense today and how today seems to be a puzzle I get tired of solving so I just let it be. I know that I am only choosing what makes me happy right now whether it’s right or wrong I don’t care much as long as it’s legal. I looked at myself pretty much fine with everything that’s been going on despite some several set backs. I don’t need to prove myself to anyone. I am pretty much aware of myself and that my insecurities are well accepted. I wanted to keep on moving on with my life each day. I want to be the better me and the better choice all the time. I want to make people feel that choosing me is not something they’ll regret in the end. It can be choosing me as their leader, their friend, partner or whatever. I see the best in people and some may hate me for being me but I always level up my life experience. I hate to stay where most people are. I wanted to be different than the rest.

I never wanted to be compared because I know I have my own traits that people love and hate. Even if sometimes I keep on wondering too why I am single it doesn’t make me anymore less of a person despite my several trash talks toward myself. I built my character to be indestructible and that the only opinion that can destroy me is my perception towards myself. 

I sometimes smile when friends tell me that I am not being considered as a threat. Well, sorry to say but you should be. You don’t think of people that way because you are being blinded by what they can do against you. Each and everyone of us can be a threat and even without me fully realizing it I must say not pretty much of the population have the same profile as mine. I may be meek but I got the power to nail the things I wanted especially if I’m really so into it. 

In the end, I accept what life has to offer me. I stand tall after each fall, brushing off the dirt in my knees and clean the wounds of yesterdays. I know I do not win all the time. I know sometimes how the universe make me suffer so bad I wanted to give up but didn’t and I guess I will never will. 

Until that time comes, I’ll keep on moving on. 

23, journal, life, Life Blog

Wednesday Thoughts

“There is no such thing as failure just postponed success. ”

It was an excerpt on an article I read in Manila Bulletin regarding life’s purpose. It’s a mere sentence that summed up my thoughts with regard to my dilemma or should I say symptoms of quarter life crisis that is now taking its toll.

If you’re an avid follower of my blog which I supposed you’re not (haha) you’ll find my previous posts a little dramatic which of course is not really intended because those were just my thoughts poured into this electronic sheet of paper waiting to be published in a world where everyone has access to it — wow.

I am what I write so before I get drowned with my blabs let me share my thoughts about my life.

Nothing has changed still. I’m still lost and stuck with no better choices to choose from. I still have my sanity despite the problems I need to face at home and my career frustrations. Since yesterday, I’ve been thinking about how I managed my life. My grades last semester was actually a huge surprised. I don’t know if it’s pure luck or indeed a product of hardwork. I realized that I fell .1 shorter in nailing the president’s list — an award given to students who have no grades below 1.0. I’m not really competing nor dying to get that award because my main goal is to simply pass but then again I was almost there. I’m still happy with the results.

There was a point I doubted myself and my worth. Thanks of course to the company I’m currently working. I’ve given my best before but it seems that all those potentials were just put into waste. From then on I no longer believed that hardwork and intelligence do equate success. It’s how you play the game according to their rules. Oh well.

Anyways, I came to realized that where I am right now is not able to make use of my potentials. I’m so excited to channel myself to a job where my opinions matter and that I’ll be the game master. I’ve plans and I know how hard I work for my goals and for my people. When I mean business , I mean business. I may demand a lot but I make sure it’s reasonable. Whether you’re my friend or not or whether you’re hot or not, if you don’t meet what is expected then I’m sorry. It’s how I work.and I miss my old, busy and stress self.

Oh well.

I’ve considered myself a good player still abiding the rules no matter how stupid the game can be sometimes. Where I am right now and the dilemmas I’ve been facing is just part of a greater plan. I am currently not a failure. Success is waiting and I’m in the mood to chase it.

Life! πŸ™‚