inspirational, journal, life, Life Blog, people

Just Because It’s Sunday … 08.10.14

Good morning says the sun and I’m in my room getting drowned by Spotify’s hottest tracks and my thoughts wandering into Nirvana.

I had an amazing dream that surely fueled me the energy to survive this day. My subconscious is telling me that I’m happy whenever we’re together doing nothing but laughing at each other and that we are always looking for good food. We look for food even in dreams.

Anyways, it’s not the meat of the matter here. You see I haven’t wrote about my feelings since last week perhaps. I am thankful for the positive changes in my life because I know I’ve wanted this. I admit I’m scared, idk if I can pull this out well. I’ve said that it was indeed a challenge accepted but I’m afraid if I will emerged victorious in the end. Of course, I will (ahuh ). I don’t want to pressure myself at all. I just want to enjoy my new role and I want to make the best of graduate school. I want to succeed in both worlds that I am in and even bargained  God for a love life. My choices do not totally define me but I like my choices. I am determined enough to compel my life to its betterment. Only few knows my story and despite my positive demeanor lies some untold stories, some skeletons I hide just because… I trust only few people and only few knows my drama because truth be told, I prefer my life to be private. I hate explaining my life, this is my life – who cares right? It’s meant for people who would understand but never for those who judge.

I am thankful though for people who’ve accepted me for who I am. I recently told someone special about my life, my so called dysfunctional life only to realized that he too is facing a somewhat like battle. He accepted my story and even offered to help. I don’t know if I deserved such a beautiful soul but I know he was God given. I’ve thank God for him because unconsciously he helped me in closing some chapters of my life and live it as chill as possible. He’s my muse, the boy behind my posts… the boy I won’t get tired of loving and caring, the boy I want to spend the rest of my life with if God permits it. I’ve let go and let God decides what’s best. I don’t want to push it if it’s not meant to be. In God’s perfect time, I’ll be with my the one.

I still fear the word commitment though but slowly I am embracing its beauty and why it’s necessary.

Anyways, I’m blabbering again. The gist here is to just let things happen and never forced it. Trust his will no matter how tragic is happening in your life. I came from a point wherein being strong is the only choice I have and here I am right now, stained but better.

I remembered what have happened last summer. I feel shitty… at wits end kind of shit. I did my best in graduate school only to realized I will never  graduate with honors anymore because of an academic issue I never intended to. I’ve learned things the hardest way and I don’t understand still why I deserved its consequences. I will not rehashed what have happened because of course… ill thoughts are poison that can kill my positive cells. I don’t hold grudges because its toxic so I rather forgive but never forget.

What’s the point of all of this, you might wonder. Yesterday, I was on my way to our classroom when I saw last year’s dean’s list. I checked my name but I was not able to find it. I shrugged it off because of course I know that my chance for the coveted honors no longer exist. I was literally shocked though when I found my name under the president’s list.

Lamb, Sharon Carol S.

I felt something within me. Elephants running amuck in my tummy and a sudden hangover like feeling. Oh shit.

Oh shit, again.

I’m not part of the Dean’s list but the President’s list — the highest amongst all and only 5 of us made it.

I want to rejoice but tidal waves of memories and my bitterness of what have happened last summer is splashing my conscious mind. I shifted from being giddy to early stages of depression. People congratulating me seems to be just bees buzzing, I couldn’t hear them because my thoughts were too loud as it screams away from the haunt of memories.

I thought I’ve moved on but nope, I’m in deep shit still. I guess I still can never get away from that feeling. Oh well.

Being accused as a cheater won’t define me. I know my worth. I know myself. I guess I’ll see the beauty of where I am someday when everything is well and it will all then make sense.

Here I am, drowned again by my thoughts and my emotions. I have lots of things to whine about but I have thousands of things to thank God for. Let me still fill the world with good vibes even if I have issues to face. It’s part of growing up, you know.  🙂

Until my next crazy post…

life

12/04: Attending Class

I’m still working on my master’s degree in Business Administration and I still have at least 3 semesters to go before I finally graduate. I can’t hide my excitement.

Graduate school was really part of my plan when I graduated last 2010. I am weighing all the options if I really want to pursue a Master’s degree in Computer Science which of course will make me such a geek contrary to my crazy demeanor or pursue a Master’s degree in Business Administration which of course will give me a brighter future. I ended up with the latter.

I enjoyed my first semester in graduate school. It was a  breather to my everyday life.  It gave me a sense of normalcy that after three years of working in a world so far than I’ve ever imagined I finally found a direction.

I was able to find my path, my escape to my monotonous and lost life. I’m actually proud of my decisions so far. I’ve invested much towards my education because I know it’ll lead me to success if not then at least realizations that would lead me in finding myself.

image

I owe it to the company that I’m currently in my post-graduate studies. I don’t know if I’ll stay after I graduate but I’m still willing to give it a shot. I still want to grow in the company. I want to be promoted because I know I’ll be able to help.  Anyways, I won’t stop though… I won’t stop in finding a career that will make the best out of me. 

(Will be edited )

college, life, people, work

07/25 – Day 245: Missing the Red Gang

Who won’t miss the good times with great people?
I do.

I miss my Red Cross friends especially the leadership trainings, meetings, deployments and random activities. I miss my officers who became my true friends until now. I miss the members who are now the best leaders of their time and of course, they never cease to make me proud of who and what they become.

Siammo Tutti Fratelli!

college, journal, life

06/13 – Day 203: Reminiscing College

It’s our class picture in our yearbook… and yes the inspiration was so evident – Transformers!

I spent an hour recalling great memories I have in college and of course being with my original classmates since first year. Only few were left from our original section when we reached our senior year but of course we welcomed our new classmates wholeheartedly.

The quizzes, long test, term exams, exemptions, projects and everyday banters plus laugh trips made me miss college so much. I am not a perfect student… I skipped classes just to play left for dead on my senior year. I don’t listen if I don’t like the teacher or if it’s a terrible math subject. Yes, terrible — like Integral Calculus. It was a subject that I can say is one of the worst subject in my entire school existence that I have encountered. I never learned anything but I must say, I adored my teacher for his intelligence. He was really smart, I just don’t have time to absorb all those limits, derivations and those crazy drawings of x-axis and y-axis on the blackboard. I may be a bit slow in math but then I am proud that I never had a failing grade and I was not given a chance to repeat any subjects.

Computer Science was actually tough. Oh God, I spent nights coding my project just to make sure it will run. There are times wherein I succeed and times that I fail but of course there are times also that you need to ask for help to your classmates (It’s not cheating, we used to call it collaborative effort. ;)).

Most of the memories I can vividly recall was actually my days with the college yearbook and Red Cross Youth – one of the best club I joined in college. I was part of it during my first days in the university until the day I graduated. Every experience I had back then was actually worthwhile.

Overall, college life was awesome and I can say that it was actually better than high school. I miss school… 🙂

23, food, life, writing

03/24 – Day 122: Summer!

Oh yeah finally I tried Mc Donald’s summer medley floats. It’s refreshing — YES. Well this picture is really more than that…

Let’s talk about summer, not the movie but the time of the year wherein all you want is to chill and run on the sands of the best beaches near you. You definitely have the time to do what you want to do… the freedom from school works, projects and meetings. Well, that was years ago and now I am employed to a company wherein holidays and definitely summer is not a time for us to take a break. It is still work, work and work to meet the business needs of course. Welcome to the cruel world! Oh well… life as we definitely know it.

Anyways, this summer I want to decide into something that will make my life change. Maybe try to make up my mind if I will really take up Master’s degree or not, try to venture out and look for a different career opportunities that will hone my skills and make me the best that I can be and also to be free from all the responsibilities for a week.

Retrospectively speaking, I just want to try something different, my ability is on a par with my ambitions. What I have now is something I can enjoy for the moment but I know this will not last for long. My mind may be into it because I want to excel in everything that I do but I can never cheat my heart. I tried to fall in love with my work but then I am here because I fell for someone. Oh, it did not make sense — just don’t mind me I’m blabbing again. Sorry!

Summer — right.

Day 122 is awesome because of the USLS – CRCY Senior’s Tribute. I salute all the seniors who dared to make a difference, who spent their free time doing worthwhile humanitarian activities all for the love of Red Cross and who never quit despite all the odds. The odds indeed was in their favor though. They surpassed it all victoriously. Thank you to those who were inspired by my impromptu speech. It’s been a while since the last time I gave one but whatever it was that I have said last night, I mean it. All the good memories you had — cherished it and all the struggles you have faced on the way — just smile as you have overcome it. I hope that graduation is not the end of it all. Please do continue to take care of other people and support the causes of the premiere humanitarian organization. I just can’t let go of something so inspiring… who I am today is a product of what I have learned from my past.

This is the start of my summer. The time wherein I am inspired to inspire. Live. Laugh. Love.

P.S.: I’m thinking of an awesome beach trip… WHERE TO? 🙂