personal

My 2016 Christmas 

It’s my 27th Christmas already and I could not imagine how fast time can actually fly. After Tito Edsel’s death, life seems to be different and each day is so incomplete. I tend not to think about it because I can feel my heart being ripped by memories of us during Christmas Eve. 

Work also consumes me too much that most of my time is spent in the office. I watched myself being drowned by my goals only to realized that I’m sacrificing what really matters most — my time for myself and my mom. 

I am thankful for everything that have happened in my life. God has been not too nice to me but it made me better in the end. Life has been a series of great and tragic times that widen my own understanding of it. Tonight as I watch the blinking of the lights in my room, I came to a realization that all I want for Christmas is peace. It seems that my mind has been so chaotic because of my unrealized dreams and unfulfilled goals. As I search through my heart, I can smell its loneliness from afar.  As I pick up all the fragments of my heart, I can see my old self through the broken shards; young, vibrant and full of hopes. 

I grew up wishing Santa is real and that he’ll grant all my wishes. My childhood is so beautiful and every Christmas is the season I totally look forward for.  Families are together with lots of food meant to be shared. Truly, it’s the season to be jolly. As I moved towards adulthood, I realized Santa is just an ordinary person with a costume and fake white beard. Christmas suddenly became different and life happened. Families no longer seeing each other because we can no longer host lavish parties for everyone. It suddenly saddens me but I go back to what matters most this day — Christ

If family is important, then regardless of what state you are in life they should be simply there to show their care and support.  I guess I expected too much from our family. What I have right now is my mom. I cannot even imagine what my life will be if mom is gone. I can’t afford to lose another parent. I already accepted the pain of not having my dad during my puberty days and also being left by my Tito Edsel who took the role of my dad when he passed away. How I miss them so much right now. 

Today, we’ll be celebrating Christmas — share the love to everyone for Christ taught us to be selfless and grateful. Thank you God for your never ending love and faith. I hope someday I’ll have my own family and that this season will again be my most look forward season to celebrate life and family. 
May the loneliness I feel end soon and may the love of God continues to inspire me to live and believe that someday I’ll find what my heart truly desires. 

Merry Christmas!  🎅

christmas, inspirational, journal, life

It’s That Time Of The Year Again

Merry Christmas.

24 years of celebrating Christmas and as years passes by it’s getting a little different. It’s not how it used to be though but I know I still have the essentials. I still have my mom and my uncle despite our generation gap, we were still able to meet halfway. Despite my cheery demeanor, I too have problems to deal with but I guess life would be meaningless without challenges.

Too much of dramas though… it’s Christmas eve and it’s the best time to reflect.  

My Christmas Eve Prayer

My Lord, I thank you for your never ending love and for not giving up on me by showing me everyday miracles that I should be thankful of.

Thank you for the gift of life and for the lives of the people I value the most.

Thank you for my job that I mostly hate and love all at the same time because it pays our bills and coffee.

Thank you for my friends who kept my secrets and helped me cope up with all of my dilemmas and frustrations that life has to offer.

Thank you for that special person who made this year a little more awesome and for the never ending good times whenever we’re together.

Thank you for my mom… thanks to all of her sacrifices, I’m where I am right now and my desire for growth will always be dedicated to her. It’s not easy to raise someone as difficult as I am, contrary to popular belief.

I’m not easy to deal with especially during my late teenage years.

Oh well.

Thank you for my ever patient uncle who takes good care of my mom whenever I’m out to work, to study or to just sit around doing nothing in a café.

Thank you for the strangers I meet everyday, for the people I’ve smiled, for acquaintances, for the annoying people and for all those random circumstances that have happened.

Thank you Lord for guiding my decisions and for the courage to face its consequences.

Thank you for reminding me that I’m not perfect, that I’m vulnerable, that I’m a sinner because I get to know what humility means and that I don’t always get what I want no matter how I think I deserved it more than anybody else.

I’m sorry for all the sins I’ve committed, for being judgmental and for questioning your will sometimes.

I love you My Lord and thank you so much.

Amen.

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Happy holidays from our home to yours.  Smile and be thankful. It’s Christmas!  🙂

christmas, hobby, journal, life, list, writing

31 Awesome Things I Did Before The Year Ends

The last time I seriously blogged something was almost 6 months ago. I guess it’s about time to do something memorable just before the year ends.

I’ll never stop writing my thoughts, the little wonders our world has to offer and  the overwhelming spur of the moments emotions.

Let me find my muse today so I can begin this crazy project in mind.

Merry Christmas.

Love,

Chillerspot ©