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Battling Quarter Life Crisis and More.

And so, let’s just say I am trying to be fine despite all the odds and eccentrities of my life. I am not really exaggerating for the nth time. I apologize for being such a dope today.

I have come to realized that I am indeed suffering from quarter life crisis. It’s not like other crisis you know such as inflation rate resulting to economic crisis or you not having the budget to buy luxury items and declare to the world that you are suffering from financial crisis, it’s the kind of crisis that affect those twenty something people wondering on their “what’s next?” in life.

I guess I am normal since I am going through this phase of my life. I feel a little shitty, honestly. I just don’t know what to do with my life aside of course from YOLO-ing since 23 and just going with the flow but this come what may kind of life is not really the life I want to live. I want more out of it. I recently got my Master’s degree in Business Administration and I should be proud of it since I was able to juggle my work and school but I just feel fine about it, no biggie while others are screaming “Congratulations!”. Should I really be proud? I don’t think so. I am plainly weird because I don’t like any fuss and I don’t like bragging those little milestones in my life. I just hate too much attention.

Anyways, let’s go back to this quarter life crisis thing. Let me share to you an article I stumbled upon after I crazily googled quarter life crisis. It’s found on this website: http://allgroanup.com/adult/25-signs-quarter-life-crisis/

I want to comment on each signs. Here you go:

25 Signs You are Having a Quarter Life Crisis

1.  You glare at your cat in the morning as you get ready for work and say, “God, I wish I had your life.” — I even say it to any animals who just simply chill and not worrying about bills and finances. Geez, go get a job cat and realized how miserable life can be.2.  “Am I ever going to feel like myself again?” Is something you ask. Every day. — EVERY SINGLE DAY! I apologize for screaming but I can relate to this, I usually ask myself if I’ll be able to feel alive again, you know sunshiney – happy – full of daisies kind of me. 

3.  A Bon Iver or John Mayer song comes on and you start crying. By yourself, or around friends. Or in the middle of a coffee shop as strangers slowly usher their children away. — Any song that I can totally relate to, I cry privately. 

4.  “When is life going to feel like it’s supposed to?” Is something you ask. Every day. — When will I be totally happy? Again… sunshiney-happy-full-of-daisies kind of me. 

5.  You’re reading this article right now because you Googled: “Quarter Life Crisis?” — OH SHIT!

6.  Visualizing yourself 15 years from now doing your bosses job makes you throw up a little in your mouth. — This is so true.

7.  You’re having arguments with your mom again about cleaning your bathroom and being home at a reasonable hour. — No arguments, it’s just me battling my patience because my mom seems to be affected by old age. It scares me a lot knowing I might lose her one day and I’ll be alone. 

8.  Your monthly routine of expenses being greater than your income is dawning on you as a serious problem. — Tell me more about it. 

9.  You’re having arguments with your newly cemented spouse and/or roommate that sound awfully like the arguments your parents used to have, that you swore you’d never have, yet are having. — Cannot relate to this.

10. You’ve moved six times in the last four years.

B.  You’ve had six jobs in the last four years.

C.  You’ve had six boyfriends in the last four years.

D.  You’ve had six girlfriends in the last four years.

E.  You’ve had no boyfriends/girlfriends in the last six years and you’re scared your boyfriending orgirlfriending is broken. —– I’ll be forever alone with 8 cats and 5 dogs. 

11.  You’d pay top dollar for a moment of clarity. — I am willing to pay thousand bucks just for me to be able to see the path that will lead me to happiness and fulfillment.

12.  That young mom with the crazy hair and stains on her shirt and bags under her eyes that kind of smells like rotten milk who you rolled your eyes at throughout college. Yeah, well you roll your stroller into a coffee shop after waking up six times with your baby and see a college girl look you up and down with that same disgust. And it takes everything within you not to walk over to that snooty college princess and punch her in the face. — Oh God, NOOOO! I think I’ll be single forever even if I adore kids.

13.  Your part-time, temporary job at Starbucks has lasted three and ½ years. — I haven’t had the chance to work in Starbucks but I would love too…

14.  You binge on buying brand names to try and cover up that you’re broke. — I am still not into mainstream but I do buy stuff even if I am broke.

15.  You find yourself repelled and compelled by church at the same time. You ask God for help one day and then you’re yelling at him the next. Your faith is a roller coaster and you’re pretty sure your seat belt is about to come undone. — I am so sorry God, I am such a stubborn brat. 

16.  You see so clearly the two roads in front of you. A life of comfort and a life of risk. And you’re not sure you have the right car or directions to go down either one. — Indeed.

17.  You surf the internet so much at work every day that you literally hit a point where you don’t know what else to search for. — AMEN TO THIS. Life at work sometimes bore me.

18.  You laughed, and cried, when you read 21 Secrets for your 20’s. —GEEZ.

19.  Making a budget is completely debilitating.

Even thinking about doing your taxes. Debilitating.

Buying groceries. Debilitating.

Doing dishes. Cooking dinner. Looking for a job. Calling your mom back. Calling your best friend back. Picking up the phone at all. DEBILI-FRICKING-TATING.

So you watch four seasons in a row of _________, while Facebook stalking exes and enemies. — You bet. I rather do the FB stalking and read through blogs of my friends and enemies. My finances make me sick.

20.  The phrase you dread hearing the most at work is, “Congratulations, you’re getting a promotion.” — Oh my!

21.  You feel like every time you’re a bridesmaid/groomsman, an angel loses it’s wings. — I KNOW RIGHT?!!! I am saying hi to my spinster self all over again and cry over their beautiful vows. Life is sooooo damn unfair.

22.  You dream about going back and punching yourSmug-College-Self who was so sure had all the answers. — True. Just when you thought life is so easy huh? Well, IT IS NOT. IT’S NOT!!! It’s damn  not!!!! wooooozah!!!!

23.  You seek out a mentor for answers one week and you avoid them like the 8th grader with bad BO, the next. — Grrr… damn right, this list is so damn right.

24.  You have no idea where to go for answers. — damn right again!

Yet

25. You’re 99.7% sure a road-trip would fix everything. — DEFINITELY… but where to old soul, where to?

So here I go again, I am constantly battling this life crisis without knowing the actual answers on how to resolve such phase. I have a good paying and stable job. I got my degree in Masters in Business Administration. I am single and I am hating it even if I have personal space issues. I don’t know how to overcome my life problems. Oh God, help me out here!

Sighs… and more sighs.

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03/24 – Day 10: The Heart of Worship

Source: https://c2.staticflickr.com/4/3822/9257854584_81e8373e43_z.jpg

Surrender. 

“Give yourselves to God… Surrender your whole being to him to be used for righteous purposes. ” Romans 6:13(TEV)

Surrendering should not be taken as a negative act. It is actually the heart of worship. It is how we submit ourselves for God’s glory without questioning his will. It is our in depth realization that God is love; fear, pride and confusion should not hinder us from completely giving in and living our lives for him and in him alone.

Trust. Trusting God is essential. You’ll never submit yourself into something you don’t fully believe in. Trust is when you finally know God and you let him into your life without doubts or hesitations. Love casts all fears. Learn to know how much God loves you so that you will trust him with your life.

Source: https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSptD0dxeNzn9ZRBnTNo4I9CVvF0EsiXVi99s3VK83ib15FYMli

God love us as he gave us his only begotten son. Jesus died on the cross to show how much he loves us. “I love you this much! I’d rather die than live without you.” 

Surrendering to God gives us freedom and not bondage. It is a realization that God is our Saviour and not our enemy who’ll bring us harm when we surrender. Remind yourself all the time that you are not in control with your life. We aren’t God and will never be. The more you let God rule over your life, the more it will be meaningful. We all become persons who he intended us to be.

Smile, God knows better.

When in doubt of my life, I completely surrender all my worries, my doubts and my fears to God. With him, I worry less. I surrender to his will and wait for his plans to unfold in my life patiently. Surrendered hearts show up best in relationships. You don’t edge yourself out of the situation, you accept it all — whole-heartedly.

I always pray that God will never leave me in times of trials. I completely trust his power because he is God, he is beyond what I can comprehend. Giving into his will takes a lot of courage.

As what E. Stanley Jones said once and as published in the book: “If you don’t surrender to Christ, you surrender to chaos.”

Say YES to GOD!!! Nothing under God’s wing will result to chaos. Trusting him and his divine plan will result to a more meaningful life.

Source: http://www.creationswap.com/artwork/9/1/20/9661/9120_9661_5.jpg
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03/23 – Day9: What Makes God Smile?

Source: http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Nog7oZJ_DbY/hqdefault.jpg

Today, I am actually feeling crazier than I used to. It’s like feeling mad with actually no reason to or maybe just feeling a little annoyed by someone. I had great dreams for the past 2 days already, thank you Lord my comprehensive exam is over I can now focused back with my life and my work which I am no longer so interested unlike before. It’s not hell, it’s limbo… I am a troubled soul. All I want is to forget but how? How can I forget if where I am right now reminds me of a love I don’t think I deserve. The past week, I feel so free and I realized that it’s hard yet I am able to forget because I don’t see him, I don’t get to talk to him then I can be that cold person I used to be. I am normal not the person I am in the office. I am that dreamy person wishing that maybe someday he’ll change and be more mature but I guess I was wrong and I need to be totally awaken by my delusions. He is not willing to tell me those words I wanted to hear and actions are just mainly crappy because assumptions my dear is just the root of all fucked ups. Geez. I am sorry, this is just me. With this, I know I am not making God smile. I am so sorry, God. I am such a disappointment.

Moving on to my reflections on my ninth day in this spiritual journey, we all need to make God smile with the things that we do. There are 5 ways to make God smile. Here you go:

  1. God smiles when we love him supremely. 
  2. God smiles when we trust him completely.
  3. God smiles when we obey him whole-heartedly.
  4. God smiles when we praise him and thank him continuously.
  5. God smiles when we use our abilities.

Never cease to make God smile. Aside from loving a person, love God above all else because he rewards those who loved him with all their heart and soul. My life is a little bit jaded right now but I will completely trust God even if there are times when my life doesn’t make sense at all. I have this faith that if I lay all my plans to God, he’ll work it all out and do what is really best for me. I will just continue to obey his words completely and exactly. With God, I should have no rooms for doubts and regrets. I will also not stop on thanking God for bringing out the best in me all the time and enjoy what he has done in my life. I could never repay the goodness he have showered upon me.

Thank you and I hope I made you smile no matter how crazy I can be.

May the Lord smile upon you…” Numbers 6:25 (NLT)

Last request… Lord, while you are working on the succeeding chapters of my life, can you help me sort out my love life too. I wish to find someone who will be able to cope up with my madness. Open my eyes to the realities, I need you to help me out in my decisions. Thy will be done.

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03/22 – Day 8: Planned For God’s Pleasure

Source: https://pjcockrell.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/pog_banner.jpg

It is true, we are planned for God’s own delight. He takes pleasure in everything that we do and we should also remind ourselves of that. God intended us to live in this world because not just he want us to glorify him alone but for us to take care of his creations. We should enjoy our stay on Earth and bring that enjoyment to God because that is our purpose. We need to worship God everyday. We need to thank him for our lives. Worshiping God do not necessarily mean that we sing it, that we go to the church every time but it’s about recalling God in everything that we do. It is not about music, not about a tune — it is a lifestyle. Anything that you do that glorifies God is an act of worship.

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03/21 – Day 7: The Reason For Everything

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Everything comes from God alone. Everything lives by his power and everything is for his glory.” Romans 11:36 (LB)

The glory of God is who he is. 

We are God’s creation an I must say that we should bring God the glory that he deserves. To whom are you going to live your life for? Is it for your dreams? I hope not. We live for a greater reason and not for just fulfilling our dreams alone. Believe, I won’t cease believing in you my God because I know that you know what you are doing. I want to continue to feel your presence in my every day life and continue to bless me with the wisdom that I need to understand that my life is meant for eternity and you are the ultimate reason why I exist. I will continue to believe and trust in your power. I will continue to worship you by never ceasing to thank you for all the blessings you’ve given me. My heart shouts all my glory to you and may your will be done. Let’s bring glory to God by worshiping him all the time, by loving his creations, by becoming more like Christ, by serving others with our talents and lastly by telling others that he exist, that he is God that loves. Now that you know the reason for everything, I hope that just like me you’ll live your life all for the glory of God.

Have a blessed Sunday everyone!

Note: Late post because I was not able to charge my laptop due to power interruption for 14 hours. 😦

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03/20– Day 6: Life Is a Temporary Assignment

This world is not my home yet.

Verse to Remember: “I am here on earth for just a little while.” Psalm 119:19 (TEV)

I am guilty of this though. I am breezing through life in pursuit of happiness, that maybe someday my life will finally actualized in front of me when every sorrows I endured finally makes sense but I guess it will never happen here on Earth. I should have remembered that I am living on borrowed time and I should not search for eternity on Earth because it eternity is when I am with God. I realized how wrong my mindset was after reading this chapter.        I should not be too attached because I will not be here for so long, I am just a guest task by God to fulfill his intended purpose then I will be joining him in eternity after my limited stay here.

God gave me challenges, dissatisfaction, incompleteness and unhappiness to understand that this is not the finish line yet, where we are right now is not where it will all ends. Our stay here is a prelude for something great, we are made for that.

My life on Earth is just a temporary assignment. My happy moments right now is not even half as what is in store for me in heaven. Realizing all of this made my perspective a little lot twisted and I am now more positive in dealing with every challenges I might encounter. Again, I thank God.

My fellow lost souls, we should never cease in appreciating what we have as of the moment. God entrust us with his works but we should not fall in love with it for so long as we need to go home to where we belong.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but n what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:18 (NIV)

Source: https://chillerspot.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/bf950-lifeistemporary.jpg
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03/19 – Day 5: Seeing Life From God’s View

Source: http://globalfusionproductions.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/signs-Trust-God.jpg

Life is all about test and trust.

Verse to Remember: “Unless you are faithful in small matters, you won’t be faithful in large ones.” – Luke 16:10a (NLT)

I must say that all I want in life is to travel, to be happy and simply enjoy it while I have it. Day 5 of my 40-day journey to a purpose driven life made me aware about viewing life through God’s eyes. I would certainly agree that my life is a series of test. God didn’t spare me when it comes to difficult challenges, challenges that I never thought I will be able to overcome. I did – thanks a lot to him because of my strong faith and belief that he will never forsake me during tough times. All the challenges were significant in shaping me for my own betterment. I thank him again because he did not give up on me and for the wisdom he endowed that aid me in fully understanding the things that have happen in my life. It was all for the greater cause and I must say, he never gave tests that one cannot handle.

“God keeps his promise, and he will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm; at the time you are put to the test he will give you the strength to endure it, and so provide you with a way out.”

Source: http://izquotes.com/quotes-pictures/quote-life-is-truly-known-only-to-those-who-suffer-lose-endure-adversity-and-stumble-from-defeat-to-anais-nin-136057.jpg

God is simply awesome, a life-saver.

My all-time favorite word aside from ‘chill’ would be ‘endure’. With God, I have endured life’s challenges and emerged victorious, strong and happy.

A piece of advice to the faint-hearted and the lost ones: “Always trust God and his amazing plans so just breathe and enjoy life. Take good care of the things around you, value the people who supports you and love the environment because all of them are part of what God have trusted you, his works. We should never break God’s trust.

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Sharing a self – reminder that moved me for years since the last time I read the Purpose Driven Life book: “Those who are trusted with something valuable must show that they are worthy of that trust.”

I don’t want to break anyone even God’s trust in me as much as possible because I know how difficult it is to be earned again once lost. I value people who shares to me their secrets because it is also a challenge for one to share a piece of themselves to others. I too am a person with trust issues and I rarely open up to people whom I don’t fully trust because that’s just simply how I am.

The challenge that we should always remember:

The more God gives you, the more responsible he expects you to be.”  — It’s just like that old cliché line of my favorite superhero… “With great power comes great responsibilities”.

Bon Nuit. I need to focus myself as tomorrow will be my comprehensive exam. TTFN.

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03/16 – Day 2: You Are Not An Accident

Source: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jfTKMeG-LgA/Th3A9L2UnDI/AAAAAAAAAEo/GJfuFhLIcdw/s1600/accident.jpg

A poem by Russell Kelfer as published in the book sums up Day 2 of my Purpose Driven Life journey:

You are who you are for a reason.

You’re part of an intricate plan

You’re a precious and perfect unique design,

Called God’s special woman or man.

 

You look like you look for a reason.

Our God made no mistake.

He knit you together within the womb,

You’re just what he wanted to make.

 

The parents you had were the ones he chose,

And no matter how you may feel,

They were custom-designed with God’s plan in mind,

And they bear the Master’s seal.

 

No, that trauma you faced was not easy.

And God wept that it hurt you so;

But it was allowed to shape your heart

So that into his likeness you’d grow.

 

You are who you are for a reason,

You’ve been formed by the Master’s rod.

You are who you are, beloved,

Because there is a God!

Day 2 of my 40-day journey to get closer to God is actually my favorite topic. It reminds me that I am not an accident. It is a touching realization knowing that God planned everything, he planned me even if my parents did not plan me at all. God planned me and I am blessed because his love is unfathomable yet fundamentally reliable. He made me into who he intended me to be and I am happy being me. I used to feel insecure about myself even considering my life to be a little dysfunctional but I guess as years pass by I have grown into a more mature and self-aware individual. I love myself despite my weaknesses and insecurities, it took me an ample amount of time to fully embrace myself and turn my weaknesses into opportunities to be better. I thank God again for leading the way.

We need to be constantly reminded that we are here for a reason, reasons we don’t totally understand but we don’t need to question God’s plan. We are here with a purpose, time will unravel everything. In the future, our past will finally make sense and we will all be thankful that God intricately shaped us into someone he wanted us to be. Indeed, things that are happening to us didn’t happen by chance, it was all planned out even if sometimes we believe in chances and in fate. We just didn’t know that sole fact – that nothing in our lives were arbitrary.

I thank God for loving me as his child. I thank him because he planned me. I thank him because he is a merciful and loving God. Love indeed is the essence of his character and we should always, always remember that.

Love yourself because you are a symbol of God’s love. Albert Einstein once said: “God doesn’t play dice.

Source: http://www.freeheartday.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/you-are-not-an-accident-640×350.jpg

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03/15 – Day 1: It All Starts With God

I decided to change, well made myself a little empowered rather than killing my time weeping over characters with tragic fate or if not cheesy love stories I wish I have. Yesterday, I was looking for a good book until I bumped into Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Life. I already read the book and even opted to share it with a friend who shared it to her church which I know served them well. It’s about time for me though to fix myself and again find meaning to my existence. It’s about time for me to let God rule my life just like before. I decided to take the 40-day journey again, this time sharing my thoughts to people and my friends.

Day 1: It All Starts With God

“Everything got started in him and find its purpose in him.” Colossians 1:16b (MSG)

God has always been my source of inspiration, my best friend and the divine force that gives me day to day miracles when I needed it the most. I used to write letters to him daily. My journal begins with Dear God wherein I share my thoughts about what have happened to my day. I wrote everything and anything about my own feelings, my frustrations and my pet peeves. I know that after writing I feel better because I was able to share it with HIM.

Today, I pray for me to find my purpose. I know that my goals, all my aspirations and the steps I take are still insignificant as He – our divine creator already planned out how we can be great, how we can be the person he wanted us to be. I am patiently waiting for HIS time as I know that he will unravel my purpose soon. I know he has plans for me and I should not worry because he never failed me. He might be distant, he might always tell me to wait patiently but in the end it’s for my own betterment. I trust God and my life is meaningless without his grace. He is my supreme being, guiding me in every decision that I make because he knows far better than I am.

God, always remind me that I am a nobody and I need you. I know that this life have a lot of temptations to overcome and I get strayed away frequently. I hope you’ll never get tired of finding me, of showing me that I cannot exist without you and of loving me despite me being a sinner. I will let you rule my life by leading me to the right path no matter how painful or challenging it can be. With you, not all paths lead to success immediately as I might need to encounter a lot of detours and a lot of crossroads before reaching it but I must say when things finally unravel according to your plans, it has always been so beautiful and the wisdom to fully understand why it happened makes me feel so blissful. Thanking God has always been a cliché and at the same time an understatement.

I won’t settle, until I find my purpose as what God designed me to be.

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What I Did Today…

No fancy lunch or dinner… I choose to be alone in my room while my family watches Pacman versus Alghieri which of course is another stupid fight because I know Pacman will definitely win it.

I opened my bedside table and rekindled my childhood years. The things I decided to forget were actually well documented. I realized that I’ve been lost for quite some time already… I’ve survived because of pride. I’m alone because of pride… because I’ll never tell the man I love how much he means to me. I’m afraid of getting hurt due to the shards of my broken heart.

2005:

11/23/2005

It’s my 16th birthday. Well it’s not that great. I’m 16 and it’s really boring. Lord, thanks for this day. It’s been 16 years of struggling between me and the imperfections of the world. It’s hard but you didn’t hesitate to light my path and showing me the wonders of your creation, for replenishing my soul and inspiring my life with your word.


. ..

Thank you for all the blessings and for the problems that you gave me because it made me into a person full of strength, courage and hope.  Thanks Lord.

Wow, never thought I’m actually mature at 16. I’m proud of myself. 🙂

2006:

Surprisingly I found this letter I wrote 8 years ago.

I’m sorry.

I already paid the consequences of my actions. I suffered a lot. I shed buckets of tears. I wrote a lot. I remembered last March 2006, I thought everything was fine between the two of us after you congratulated me before my graduation day. Comes June 2006, we saw each other yet we never said hi. We’re like strangers.

…. Insert all the bitter stuffs here ”

Years have passed. 2014 was the year that changed it all. I was able to find that courage to ask you questions I dreaded the most. We’re able to fix the friendship. We’re able to talk about how crazy our so called relationship was. It might be a product of a terrible lie but we both know the emotions were real and I told you how I loved you so much it took me hell lot of time to finally forgive myself after what I did to you. Thank you for forgiving me too. You’ve been the best pain I had endured for quite some time because it made be better and wiser.

2007:

I also wrote this commandments of Love last May 27,2007…

1. Thou shall love myself above all.
2. Thou shall not assume or hope when someone I think is “the one” comes along.
3. Thou shall look at the physical attributes first but what makes me stick is the goodness of the soul.
4.Thou shall think thoroughly before deciding something.
5. Thou shall court my family first before thyself.
6. Thou shall respect and dig what I want so as I to him.
7. Thou shall be open minded, understanding and loving all the time.
8.Thou shall prioritize my studies before love or thou shall prioritize my work and my passion.
9. Thou shall learn to accept each other’s flaws and indifferences.
10.Thou shall not be jealous or insecure, must develop one’s sense of trust.

No wonder I’m turning out to be an old maid.

It was somewhere in 2007 when I decided to fully embraced the positives. I got to admit, teenage life really sucks. I’ve been an emo kid who listens to Fall Out Boys and other Punk artists. I’m disgusted now of my own drama before. If only I can turn back the hours I could have not wasted my teen years wallowing how shitty my life was. Suicidal thoughts…  It was never ending yet I don’t have the courage to do it. Good thing though. Life’s still worth living despite the jaded and frustrating times.

At a very young age, my self awareness is really great. I acknowledged the fact that I’m egoistic. I live to feed my soul, to bring pride and worth to myself. My world used to revolve on achievements, good grades, service to others and doing my passions. It was exhausting yet it was fulfilling. I also acknowledged the fact that at 16 I’m not really good in expressing my emotions. I write my feelings and rarely talk about it. Blogging and writing my thoughts make me happy. I would prefer people to call me a nerd than a bitch.

2011:

05/09/2011

Dear God,

—– is in a relationship. Well, people around me are except me. I always pray for that one special person to finally come, for that someone I’ll spend forever with. Heaven forbids I’ll grow up alone.

God, I hope he’s worth the wait. I trust you and please grant me the patience as I wait for him while I become a better version of myself.

Carol. 

— I’m deep.  Yeah,  3 years have passed and I’m still praying the same thing. Gugreaaaat! 

2013

03/24/2013

Dear 9 month older self,

I wrote because I love to write or maybe because I got inspired by watching Perks of Being a Wallflower. Things are getting rough right now and work still sucks. I’m actually confused if I’ll still give it another shot.

I’m lost.
I still don’t know what to do with my life. I’ve got plans but certainly don’t know where to start. I want to be a wedding planner, graphic designer, blogger, team leader and the list goes on and on. I hope that by the time you’re reading this letter you’ve already started on what you really wanted to be.

Love.
Oh well. I must say things are going well between me and ——-. We’re not together but he’s special. I hope I’ll be able to ask him the questions I longed to ask him. If he’s not the one, I hope I’ll be able to find someone because it’s been too long already and it’s about time to be inspired and happy. I hope things will turn out to be great between the two of us, I really hope so.

Family.
I hope nothing bad will happen. 

Old self, I hope you’ve done something great before the year ends.  I don’t want you to cry and feel that you are weak. You’re awesome!  You’re great!  I know the struggles I’m in right now will soon fade away and I hope it’ll all make sense by the time you’re reading this.  I know things will be great and I just hope that it’ll be.

❤,

Carol

That was shocking though, I never read that letter until today.

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Well I’m halfway there. I’m still lost but I’m now a team lead trainee finishing her Master’s degree in business. Love wise…  I’m still inlove with the same guy and I still don’t have the courage to ask him the questions whose answers I dread the most.

I guess I didn’t age much. My mindset is still the same and my faith untarnished. I am still that 16 year old kid who trusts his Savior so much.

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I’ll continue my journey in finding the meaning of today. Every stitch, every struggle, every pain has a reason and all I need is a little faith and trust.

Thanks to awesome friends who’ve been there for me through good times and the bad. Yaaay grabbing some pictures from my Facebook friends.

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Thanks for giving me the sanity to survive each day. Thanks for the never ending support.

Also, thanks to my mama for raising me. I’m not a perfect daughter but you’ve been a good provider to me.

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