personal

Why I Pray.

I have never been a religious person nor I was born in a family who is a devotee of patron saints. I am raised inside a household of people who believes in God but never actually cared much of going to church on Sunday. They think it’s hypocrisy to go just for the sake of going and my mother cringes with the thought of sharing casual conversation with her Amigas who’ll just brag about their new stuff. Enough of the why-I-do-not-go-to-church rants.

I believe in God.

I believe that my life is governed by a Supreme Being whose love for me is indispensable. I exist because deep inside my tormented soul is a fainted light of hope. A light that was lit up by experiences that made sense through the years. These are events that made me who I am today and some are unexplainable which I usually call a blessing. I questioned God’s will several times given that success will not be always easy for me. 

I’ve got too much to be thankful for this year. A lot has changed even the way I see my life so far. It’s never perfect, full of dramas, depression demons and misfortunes but my faith stood still. I never ceased at believing on his divine presence and for unexplainable reasons he made me feel better each time I cried my way to sleep. I asked myself what did I do to deserve all these frustrations, a product of an intoxicated mind and broken heart. Time didn’t heal me, it was my faith that everything will pass that made me survived. 

In my heart I believe in the magic of Christmas. I believe that all the events in our lives are part of a grander plan that will shape us to be a better version of ourselves. I believe that our faith will determine how resilient we are in facing our battles. God will always bless us if we let go and accept what’s in store for us. It’s about doing good no matter what life throws at our lives. Keep going with a strong faith that everything will be better soon. Today I pray not for myself but for all the people of value in my life. I pray to keep them safe and that we’ll have more years together especially to my mother who I love the most. 

I pray for peace for those whose hearts are at war. I pray for courage. I pray for love to stay in our hearts and that we continue to be someone who’ll restore someone’s faith in humanity. I will continue to pray because it makes me feel better and secured at all times. Let go of the pain and accept his grace in our hearts.  Take a 60 seconds  pause tonight and thank God for blessing your life.

Merry Christmas! 😘

personal

My 2016 Christmas 

It’s my 27th Christmas already and I could not imagine how fast time can actually fly. After Tito Edsel’s death, life seems to be different and each day is so incomplete. I tend not to think about it because I can feel my heart being ripped by memories of us during Christmas Eve. 

Work also consumes me too much that most of my time is spent in the office. I watched myself being drowned by my goals only to realized that I’m sacrificing what really matters most — my time for myself and my mom. 

I am thankful for everything that have happened in my life. God has been not too nice to me but it made me better in the end. Life has been a series of great and tragic times that widen my own understanding of it. Tonight as I watch the blinking of the lights in my room, I came to a realization that all I want for Christmas is peace. It seems that my mind has been so chaotic because of my unrealized dreams and unfulfilled goals. As I search through my heart, I can smell its loneliness from afar.  As I pick up all the fragments of my heart, I can see my old self through the broken shards; young, vibrant and full of hopes. 

I grew up wishing Santa is real and that he’ll grant all my wishes. My childhood is so beautiful and every Christmas is the season I totally look forward for.  Families are together with lots of food meant to be shared. Truly, it’s the season to be jolly. As I moved towards adulthood, I realized Santa is just an ordinary person with a costume and fake white beard. Christmas suddenly became different and life happened. Families no longer seeing each other because we can no longer host lavish parties for everyone. It suddenly saddens me but I go back to what matters most this day — Christ

If family is important, then regardless of what state you are in life they should be simply there to show their care and support.  I guess I expected too much from our family. What I have right now is my mom. I cannot even imagine what my life will be if mom is gone. I can’t afford to lose another parent. I already accepted the pain of not having my dad during my puberty days and also being left by my Tito Edsel who took the role of my dad when he passed away. How I miss them so much right now. 

Today, we’ll be celebrating Christmas — share the love to everyone for Christ taught us to be selfless and grateful. Thank you God for your never ending love and faith. I hope someday I’ll have my own family and that this season will again be my most look forward season to celebrate life and family. 
May the loneliness I feel end soon and may the love of God continues to inspire me to live and believe that someday I’ll find what my heart truly desires. 

Merry Christmas!  🎅

christmas, inspirational, journal, life

It’s That Time Of The Year Again

Merry Christmas.

24 years of celebrating Christmas and as years passes by it’s getting a little different. It’s not how it used to be though but I know I still have the essentials. I still have my mom and my uncle despite our generation gap, we were still able to meet halfway. Despite my cheery demeanor, I too have problems to deal with but I guess life would be meaningless without challenges.

Too much of dramas though… it’s Christmas eve and it’s the best time to reflect.  

My Christmas Eve Prayer

My Lord, I thank you for your never ending love and for not giving up on me by showing me everyday miracles that I should be thankful of.

Thank you for the gift of life and for the lives of the people I value the most.

Thank you for my job that I mostly hate and love all at the same time because it pays our bills and coffee.

Thank you for my friends who kept my secrets and helped me cope up with all of my dilemmas and frustrations that life has to offer.

Thank you for that special person who made this year a little more awesome and for the never ending good times whenever we’re together.

Thank you for my mom… thanks to all of her sacrifices, I’m where I am right now and my desire for growth will always be dedicated to her. It’s not easy to raise someone as difficult as I am, contrary to popular belief.

I’m not easy to deal with especially during my late teenage years.

Oh well.

Thank you for my ever patient uncle who takes good care of my mom whenever I’m out to work, to study or to just sit around doing nothing in a café.

Thank you for the strangers I meet everyday, for the people I’ve smiled, for acquaintances, for the annoying people and for all those random circumstances that have happened.

Thank you Lord for guiding my decisions and for the courage to face its consequences.

Thank you for reminding me that I’m not perfect, that I’m vulnerable, that I’m a sinner because I get to know what humility means and that I don’t always get what I want no matter how I think I deserved it more than anybody else.

I’m sorry for all the sins I’ve committed, for being judgmental and for questioning your will sometimes.

I love you My Lord and thank you so much.

Amen.

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Happy holidays from our home to yours.  Smile and be thankful. It’s Christmas!  🙂

journal, life, Life Blog, list

12/08: Being at Home

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This are the days when I start to hate my work because I no longer have all the time to spend at home except of course for sleeping. I am now gathering all the words that I can get in my mind within 15 minutes because I need to prepare for work.

My work requires me to chat with customers and fix their mobile applications and home security. It’s a business-process outsourcing company, one of the leading companies in the Philippines and I owe my graduate studies to them because I availed their educational assistance program. The operations is 24/7 and my shift starts at 12am to 9am.  How cool is that?  Yeah right.
I’m glad to be at home today even if I spent most of my time in my room feeling the remnants of my flu crippling me. I hate that I’m sick for the past few days because of the changing weather that I was not able to do a lot of things. My body just can’t take it anymore but I do have no choice. I still need to go to work and school. 

I feel shit , I mean sick.

Anyways, today I must say is still awesome. I just need a few minutes to feel my existence at home.

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Check out little Christmas Tree!  🙂

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And how happy we used to be… I miss Dad  and how healthy Mama was. This picture was taken 20 Decembers ago.

Love,

Chillerspot ❤

christmas, hobby, journal, life, list, writing

31 Awesome Things I Did Before The Year Ends

The last time I seriously blogged something was almost 6 months ago. I guess it’s about time to do something memorable just before the year ends.

I’ll never stop writing my thoughts, the little wonders our world has to offer and  the overwhelming spur of the moments emotions.

Let me find my muse today so I can begin this crazy project in mind.

Merry Christmas.

Love,

Chillerspot ©

life, Life Blog

12/25 – Day 32: CHRISTmas

Today is HIS day.

Lord, you are my strength and my hope.
I cannot thank you more for the blessings and thanks for giving me the will to carry on no matter what burden I may have encountered in my existence.
I may not be a typical Christian but my faith in you is something that is more personal.
Today, people celebrates Christmas day but the question is do they celebrate for your glory or for their own. All I want is a peaceful Christmas which I have this year, less people, no extreme party and just a simple dinner at home. We don’t need a major celebration, what matters most is you remember the main reason why we exist.

I love you, Lord. You are the source of my awesomeness, the light and the hope in times of despair.

Happy Holidays to all, Enjoy Christmas Day! 😀

christmas, life, work

12/24 – Day 31: Christmas Eve

It’s the time of the year again.

Tonight, I am just happy that I spent Christmas night at home and not at the office. Even if there is no major celebration, I am just happy being near the Christmas tree and watch the lights dancing to its own rhythm while I think about what my life went and some random things that have happened this year.

Thank you for the friends who never failed to be there for me no matter what and also to those who never failed to greet me in advance a Merry merry Christmas.

The best gift I have is just to be at home this Christmas Eve. I don’t need a major celebration, all I want is a moment where I can thank God for making me a blessing to others and for all the blessings he had given me. Each failure, I realized something significant that helped me in improving myself and knew more about my capacities.

There is actually a lot to be thankful for. The true spirit of Christmas is not about having an expensive dinner with your family or gifts, it’s about recognizing the true meaning of Christmas — it’s all about Christ, love and life. Love and enjoy what you have. Thank you Lord for the gift of life, for my supportive family and for friends who made my life amazing.

As what I have always been saying, Life is always awesome! It’s all about perspective. I may rant, whine or curse my job (as this is always been the source of my frustration, depression and failure) but I am still holding on for the belief that maybe, just maybe someday everything will make sense and if not I just hope that someday I may find the job that I will truly love.

Merry Christmas people! Don’t forget to pray… remember Christmas is not about you, it’s all about CHRIST.