personal

Day 9: Defeat and What You Did Next

I found my self rehashing some events wherein I felt so defeated. Numerous fails and almosts in all aspects of my life and I don’t know why I’m still here. I call it set backs, a short detour prior to my best destination. There are times when I persevered so much and ended up failing… Maybe I just didn’t try hard enough.

The most unforgettable defeat moment I’ve experienced is losing the chance to graduate with honors in graduate school. I know I’m a little bit of a slacker compared to who I was in college but I know I did my part. I almost failed my managerial accounting class because of a cheating case that screwed a lot of folks — including me. It was terrible knowing that I am not that kind of person. It got resolved and we’re able to graduate. What saddens me though is when you try so hard to make things right and succeed, a setback is always in place. Not that I’m new to it, in fact I’ve been so used to this right now that I became numb when things don’t go my way.

I guess time plays a part here. At first you’ll feel myriad of emotions and from Okay to not Okay feels you’ll just find yourself happy again despite on what have happened. I see every defeat as a chance for me to do better or simply move forward because what else can I do. We can’t hold grudges forever as it ruins you instead of helping you. It’s not easy to accept defeat all the time but accept it eventually in time and just go through life and experience new adventures or another set of challenges bound to ruin your positivity in life.

Just. Keep. GOING.

It’s not the first time I’ve experienced failure. I’ve got a lot I tell you and even now it never stopped. I always encounter a lot of work frustrations that sometimes I’m about to give up. I even question my own leadership and intellect on why others can move their teams up while I’m plainly having a mediocre attainment. Maybe I’ve been mediocre whole life or maybe I’m just to proud of myself that I expect too much on everyone and too much for myself. It’s a journey still to accept defeat, to plan what’s next and to find your niche. Sometimes it is not working because it might not meant to work in the first place. We are all sucker for success but what if we are not destined to be successful at your corporate job but is bound to be in our passion. Who knows? We should not stop ourself from taking risks just because it didn’t go our way in the first place. We should keep going until we get used to the feeling of failing and still celebrate milestones achieved.

Don’t let your self doubt hinder your way to a better and productive future. All we need is to be self aware and make use of our strengths in our own advantage. It’s always a good battle regardless of the results if you did all you can to win. Life is not about winning, it’s about learning and experiencing — a realization I had after 28 years. I’ve been better in dealing with this now compared to years ago when I threw fits and hated God for not giving me what I want and what I think I deserved.

journal, life, Life Blog

Letter to God

07.27.2014

Dear God,

This week has been amazing and I cannot thank you enough for all the good things that have happened. I am happy that despite my emotional turmoils at work I decided to stay and remained as steadfast as possible. Thank you for guiding my decisions and for finally giving me the sign that it’s about time. It’s all about perfect timing.

I know I should have rejoiced because I nailed it but for me it’s not yet the time. The moment I decided to step up is the same moment I decided to welcome more dramas andΒ  more challenges — also great chances for victories and lessons learned. It’s about time I develop and influence people. It’s about time to be someone. Thanks for giving me all the patience in the world, for time to unravel fully my maturity and for simply being positive despite my miseries. My life isn’t perfect but I don’t want to drown myself into the negative waves. I am resilient enough to face each challenge.

My life is now about to change. Thanks for this positive change God. I’ll learn a lot from the experience.

I am still bargaining though to finally have it all at the same time. A blooming career life and a happy heart is what I need. Ahmmmm… please? Anyhoo, thanks for giving me a best guy friend who has been there for me through good times and the bad, who constantly believes in my prowess, who cares for me when I do crazy things and who loves me in a different kind of way. I love him too. **blushing

Howkay! Enough of the cheesy stuffs. God, please take care of my old champ Riji who is now in dog heaven. I’ll surely miss him. You know how much I love him and how it pains me knowing that he’s gone but I know he’s in a better place. 😦

God, I’m still weak. I still have unsettled issues so I still need a lot of help. I trust you and I know that every failure has a reason, every tears I cried has its purpose and every pain has its story that I can share to others.Β  Lord, thank you for everything because I’ve learned to be mature enough to face the world.

Thanks and I love you.

Always,

Carol