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03/23 – Day9: What Makes God Smile?

Source: http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Nog7oZJ_DbY/hqdefault.jpg

Today, I am actually feeling crazier than I used to. It’s like feeling mad with actually no reason to or maybe just feeling a little annoyed by someone. I had great dreams for the past 2 days already, thank you Lord my comprehensive exam is over I can now focused back with my life and my work which I am no longer so interested unlike before. It’s not hell, it’s limbo… I am a troubled soul. All I want is to forget but how? How can I forget if where I am right now reminds me of a love I don’t think I deserve. The past week, I feel so free and I realized that it’s hard yet I am able to forget because I don’t see him, I don’t get to talk to him then I can be that cold person I used to be. I am normal not the person I am in the office. I am that dreamy person wishing that maybe someday he’ll change and be more mature but I guess I was wrong and I need to be totally awaken by my delusions. He is not willing to tell me those words I wanted to hear and actions are just mainly crappy because assumptions my dear is just the root of all fucked ups. Geez. I am sorry, this is just me. With this, I know I am not making God smile. I am so sorry, God. I am such a disappointment.

Moving on to my reflections on my ninth day in this spiritual journey, we all need to make God smile with the things that we do. There are 5 ways to make God smile. Here you go:

  1. God smiles when we love him supremely. 
  2. God smiles when we trust him completely.
  3. God smiles when we obey him whole-heartedly.
  4. God smiles when we praise him and thank him continuously.
  5. God smiles when we use our abilities.

Never cease to make God smile. Aside from loving a person, love God above all else because he rewards those who loved him with all their heart and soul. My life is a little bit jaded right now but I will completely trust God even if there are times when my life doesn’t make sense at all. I have this faith that if I lay all my plans to God, he’ll work it all out and do what is really best for me. I will just continue to obey his words completely and exactly. With God, I should have no rooms for doubts and regrets. I will also not stop on thanking God for bringing out the best in me all the time and enjoy what he has done in my life. I could never repay the goodness he have showered upon me.

Thank you and I hope I made you smile no matter how crazy I can be.

May the Lord smile upon you…” Numbers 6:25 (NLT)

Last request… Lord, while you are working on the succeeding chapters of my life, can you help me sort out my love life too. I wish to find someone who will be able to cope up with my madness. Open my eyes to the realities, I need you to help me out in my decisions. Thy will be done.

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03/21 – Day 7: The Reason For Everything

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Everything comes from God alone. Everything lives by his power and everything is for his glory.” Romans 11:36 (LB)

The glory of God is who he is. 

We are God’s creation an I must say that we should bring God the glory that he deserves. To whom are you going to live your life for? Is it for your dreams? I hope not. We live for a greater reason and not for just fulfilling our dreams alone. Believe, I won’t cease believing in you my God because I know that you know what you are doing. I want to continue to feel your presence in my every day life and continue to bless me with the wisdom that I need to understand that my life is meant for eternity and you are the ultimate reason why I exist. I will continue to believe and trust in your power. I will continue to worship you by never ceasing to thank you for all the blessings you’ve given me. My heart shouts all my glory to you and may your will be done. Let’s bring glory to God by worshiping him all the time, by loving his creations, by becoming more like Christ, by serving others with our talents and lastly by telling others that he exist, that he is God that loves. Now that you know the reason for everything, I hope that just like me you’ll live your life all for the glory of God.

Have a blessed Sunday everyone!

Note: Late post because I was not able to charge my laptop due to power interruption for 14 hours. 😦

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03/20– Day 6: Life Is a Temporary Assignment

This world is not my home yet.

Verse to Remember: “I am here on earth for just a little while.” Psalm 119:19 (TEV)

I am guilty of this though. I am breezing through life in pursuit of happiness, that maybe someday my life will finally actualized in front of me when every sorrows I endured finally makes sense but I guess it will never happen here on Earth. I should have remembered that I am living on borrowed time and I should not search for eternity on Earth because it eternity is when I am with God. I realized how wrong my mindset was after reading this chapter.        I should not be too attached because I will not be here for so long, I am just a guest task by God to fulfill his intended purpose then I will be joining him in eternity after my limited stay here.

God gave me challenges, dissatisfaction, incompleteness and unhappiness to understand that this is not the finish line yet, where we are right now is not where it will all ends. Our stay here is a prelude for something great, we are made for that.

My life on Earth is just a temporary assignment. My happy moments right now is not even half as what is in store for me in heaven. Realizing all of this made my perspective a little lot twisted and I am now more positive in dealing with every challenges I might encounter. Again, I thank God.

My fellow lost souls, we should never cease in appreciating what we have as of the moment. God entrust us with his works but we should not fall in love with it for so long as we need to go home to where we belong.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but n what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:18 (NIV)

Source: https://chillerspot.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/bf950-lifeistemporary.jpg
life

What If?

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Pic from: http://www.bustle.com/articles/36391-17-of-the-most-romantic-if-i-stay-quotes-we-need-to-see-in-the-film/image/36391

While watching If I Stay, I felt my heart being squeezed multiple times. I am sad on what have happened to the almost perfect family. Rarely can we find a family who’s so cool and chill, rarely can we find a complete family living happily in this modern world and rarely can we find a family who goes out for road trips just to have quality time together. No matter how beautiful things can be in this world shit really do happens, all of a sudden we find our lives twisted by fate. Everything becomes too different and we have no other choice but to accept no matter how great or painful that change can be.

We are all victims of fate, of chances, of choices, of circumstances…

I understood all that in my head, but I still didn’t believe it in my heart.”
Gayle Forman, If I Stay

Random thoughts flooding my mind as I watched the movie, what if one day it’ll also happen to me? What if I encountered an accident that will change my life?  What if I won’t survive?  Who will make me stay when I already lose the people I value the most — my family?

“Losing me will hurt; it will be the kind of pain that won’t feel real at first, and when it does, it will take her (his) breath away.
Gayle Forman, If I Stay

Then I remembered you, the Adam of my life.

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http://ilariatrinca.tumblr.com/post/97427896011/if-you-live-or-if-you-die-its-all-up-to-you

I then asked myself, what will be your life without me in it?  Will you lock yourself again in your room and be alone for weeks? Will you sing me a song on my deathbed? Will you bring me tequila while I’m struggling between staying or leaving this world full of giant bull craps?  I’m imagining you without me in it. Damn, that’s so terrible. Aha, no crazy friend you can spend an hour with, no one to argue with, no one to share work secrets and frustrations… no Shao in your world anymore.

I won’t deny to this but I’ve wanted to die multiple times already especially during my darkest days. I wanted to be with Dad, to be able to find comfort in his arms again and to finally find peace but I guess despite my longing to my father I still have reasons to live. I still want to live in this big fat gigantic stinking messy chaotic world. I still want to live because it’s beautiful to live and it’s more beautiful to live if you know you’re living for others. I want to live my life partly for my dreams and for you because I’m happy whenever I’m with you. Life’s less stressful, less daunting.

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http://ilariatrinca.tumblr.com/post/97427896011/if-you-live-or-if-you-die-its-all-up-to-you

I found this beautiful poem online that summarizes what I feel about someone while I’m working on this post.

A Pretty Sight

You said you weren’t that much of a pretty sight
I’ll tell you now
How wrong you were
And how I am right.

The pretty light that shines
In your eyes when you look up
Exceeds the sun a thousand times
And warms my heart, you buttercup.

The profoundness of your smile
Scares me to the bone
Because it’s all I want and need
And deprivation makes loneliness known. 

Your hands make you a wizard
For they draw my heart so near
And to love you is to lose you
Is now my one spell of fear. 

Pretty is so wrong a word
For a person whose heart is undeterred
Who owns the swift grace of a hummingbird. 

You said you weren’t that much of a pretty sight
I’ll tell you now
How wrong you were
And how I am right. 

You’re no pretty sight to me
For beauty, that is all I see.

Anonymous

Because in this lifetime, we’ll find that one person that will make us live no matter what. I guess I’ve found mine.

(“3 Little Things by Jason Mraz is on the background as I write this blog post ❤❤❤)

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Got the pic from: http://www.bustle.com/articles/36391-17-of-the-most-romantic-if-i-stay-quotes-we-need-to-see-in-the-film

“Sometimes you make choices in life and sometimes choices make you.”
Gayle Forman, If I Stay

I always say that I like my choices and wherever I am right now, I thank God for guiding me all the way.

hobby, journal, life, people, work, writing

06/27 – Day 217: Aleph

Are you where you want to be doing what you want to do? Upon reading the first pages of the book (I am in the Chinese Bamboo part… 🙂 ) I realized that it exactly depicts what I am and who I am as of the moment. I may not have all the successes I want to achieve yet but I am in the time where I am jaded and as if nothing has been happening still… I am but a lost soul.

I know this book will enlighten me and I made the right decision by buying it. 🙂

hobby, journal, life, writing

04/01 – Day 130: Book to Read

Good Book.

I tried to look for a good book that will not just make me think but will also inspire me until I caught myself reading the summary of several fiction books that talk about vampires, unreciprocated love, world mysteries and love stories. I don’t think I need those cheesy stuffs as of the moment until I came across to Paulo Coehlo’s books that surely spiked up my interest. I choose books that I can surely relate to. I remembered last night as I arranged my books in my bedroom, I came across The Alchemist, Coehlo’s masterpiece. It was old and dusty, the last time I read the first part of it was years ago for a book report. I even borrowed it from my best friend. I began reading it and I am inspired by the story of the boy who is in search of his dream as all of us wants to discover our own Personal Legend.

Actually, I was caught up between 2 books to buy, one was Veronika Decides to Die and the other one was Aleph but I decided to buy the latter because it posed one strong question that just not made me think but also made me realized that this is indeed the question I have been asking to myself for months now. “Are we where we want to be, doing what we want to do?”

Now I am off to finished The Alchemist to finally read Aleph. 😉