adventures

A Thanksgiving For The Year That Was.

Disclaimer: This post has too many selfies. Viewer discretion is advised.

To start off, I failed my 30-day blogging challenge. You see I’ve been lazy and demotivated to write especially when my mind is not in sync to my soul. I just don’t want to write for the sake of writing, I always write what I feel.

Today, my heart is full.

I’m in my room right now trying to control my surging emotions. Aside from being grateful for another year, all of the challenges I’ve been through start flashing righ before my eyes. Battles that got worsen by my mind and days when I’ve almost lose everything were gone. I’m thankful for today and for who I’ve become over the years. The darkest of my days paved way to that strength I’ve never imagined I possess. To all the whines, complaints and suicidal thoughts that bothered me and how depression crippled me to see the beauty of this world, thank you because I’m glad I’m still here.

I thought my life was a curse. It was a series of fortunate and misfortunate events. A never ending saga of great feeling and then bombarded by bad luck causing me to hate everything I have. I guess time really teaches us to be wise because right now I’m thankful for all of it.

Being 28 was a whole lot of firsts. This is the age of wisdom, the age where I learned to appreciate my pains and made me better. It’s the age when I made bold decisions and embraced responsibilities I never thought I’ll be able to withstand.

Let me recall some of my firsts this year:

  • Learned how to drive
  • Got my passport
  • Got my driver’s license
  • Bank loan
  • Had mouth expanders that made me talk weird
  • Had braces
  • Got my premolars extracted
  • Ventured in online business
  • Learned to let go of past hangups and loved again
  • Ride a trike to explore places
  • First facial ever
  • Got glasses

The list goes on and let me add some near death experiences that I didn’t care much because I’m alive anyways. πŸ˜‚

I actually cried earlier because of my bestfriend’s message to me and I can’t thank him enough for all those years. I made the best decision this year to keep those people who brings out the best in me and not the beast in me. A lot of people come out way but not are all meant to stay. I thank all those who joined me once in my journey because somehow you are able to be part of my growth. I didn’t regret my decision to close some chapters because it was necessary for my own growth. I am proud of my friends list today.

I remembered how I became too emotional talking to a customer last week because he was an angel. You see not all days at work are good. There are days when I reassess myself and then realize how my skills are put into waste. I got tired of self-pitying and just reminded myself how it pays the bills. He was an angel because he reminded me of what I can become someday. If I believe in myself then I can go a long way. I can be an executive or some sort and that made me smile.

He also told me that I’m smart. A lot of people tell me that but I don’t usually believe it. I never believed that I’m smart. I used to have awards in school and even part of the president’s list in graduate school but to be honest it didn’t change the way I view myself… until last week. I thought people just tell me that I’m smart to boost and motivate me. Now, I’m starting to believe in it.

He told me that I was raised well by my parents. He can sense it on the way I’ve talked to him and how I’ve answered his questions. I almost cried while I’m talking to him because it reminded me of my cause back then, to make my parents proud of me. Oftentimes, I think that I failed my mom and dad because I haven’t make used of my skillset well. On better days, I knew I’m a good daughter.

I love my mom, my dad and my uncle. They did their best to provide me a better life even if I demanded more during those days when we are financially troubled. I love how they cared about me and supported my decisions. I’ve lost two of my pillars and my mom is also getting older… my fear is to lose her while I’m still finding myself. It’s a pain growing up without a father, more pain when my uncle died right before my eyes and I can’t imagine the pain I’ll face when I lost her. That is my only birthday wish this year… More years with my mom.

I’ll keep on being myself no matter what. I know that I’m grumpy at times, a total asshole to some and that friend with such comical character.

I am who I am and my attitude towards people is based on their attitude towards me and others. I value people that brings good vibes and hate those that generates animosity.

I’ll strive to be better. The strength I’ve acquired over the years will make me surpass the trials that will come. I am better today because I choose to be better, I choose the f*cks worth f*cking and simply trusting the process.

To all the people who took their time to greet me and showed their love, I am thankful. Thanks for reminding me that my existence is well appreciated and for boosting my bruised ego. I promised myself to continue living life with an optimistic mindset. I will continue to share my compassion and kindness, a promise to make life a better place to live.

To the man I love and will always love, thanks for bringing light into my world and for always reminding me that I’m worth loving. I love you John Paul.

Cheers to more years…

And more Pabebe days with you…

I still have problems to face and more challenges to encounter. I’ve thread so much for 28 years and now, a new chapter unfolds. I don’t know what’s in store on my 29th year but I face it with a taunting smile as I whisper “bring it on”.

Happy 29th to me, such an oldie! πŸ˜‚

personal

Blogging Challenge Day 1: Share Where You See Yourself In 10 Years

It’s been a while since the last time I blogged my thoughts. Honestly, I tried hard to write, tried even harder to sum up my ideas and ended up in despair. It’s that time of the year again where I suffer from occasional writer’s block, a lame reason I made up to justify my laziness. I need to gather my thoughts and write something sensible or should I say personal just like what I’ve been doing for almost a decade here in WordPress.

Today I challenged myself to write again just because I want to do something special 30 days before I turn 29. Birthday blues are brewing within my system but work life keeps my mind too preoccupied that it has no time to be sad. I searched some topics online to somehow keep me alive in the field I am pretty much interested into and found some son called cure. I got this idea from Pinterest and I’m excited to start my own but I’ll somehow tweak it a bit. I won’t follow Katy’s suggestion on what needs to go first, I rather make up my own list and survive this one-month of cerebral journey.

Thanks to KatyWidrick.com

Day 1 is supposed to be a quick run through of my current relationship status but I don’t feel that topic to jump start this list of thoughts. I want to share more of myself and my goals for the next 10 years because by then I’ll be 38 and that’s pretty old. πŸ‘΅

Dear God, I see myself as a materialistic asshole with this list I made and please forgive me as it is still a work in progress:

  1. Driving a pick-up or an SUV off-road somewhere with friends or family just because it’s weekend.
  2. Graduating with another post grad degree probably in Psychology or finishing Law School and be an attorney.
  3. Travelling to more places internationally… ( Singapore, Japan, Indonesia, Malaysia, Europe, Thailand, Hongkong, Taiwan and more…)
  4. Being with my love in Palawan, Siargao and Batanes as well as arguing on what stories we’ll start publishing and sorting out our ideas on what to do, where to go next
  5. Getting promoted at work and developing my skills or finally resigning to get a job that would enhance my skillset and make me work outside of my comfort zone. I am interested into strategic management and corporate planning but I also wanna go away from traditional and rigid way of implementing processes.
  6. Building a huge following in Instagram and engaging more people to appreciate poetry and photography. I might as well try spoken poetry.
  7. Publishing a coffee table book that includes my haikus and poems.
  8. Having a big birthday celebration for my mom and be with her most of the time. I just want her to always remember my name.
  9. Getting married and having 2-3 kids.
  10. Being financially free and live a comfortable life.

The list goes on as time passes by but I want to go back to this post one day to check if I was able to work on my plans. I even sent a copy of this to myself via FutureMe.org to review after a decade.

It’s refreshing to feel a little bit of pressure after a long time. I never wanted to force myself to write but I got to, I need to. Coming up with this post is nerve wracking but I’m glad I was able to finish this with a joy in my heart. This is just the start of something new.

Thanks for visiting! πŸ’“