life, personal

The Will To Live.

Have you ever felt so tired after conquering all the challenges life offered you? I do.

Last April 6, my mother had her first heart attack. As of this writing she’s still in the ICU recuperating after her pacemaker surgery. I’m currently broke with all my savings went off to hospital bills and I borrowed a huge amount of money to pay for the surgery but it isn’t enough. I honestly feel like shit right now with piles of problems waving at me. I sometimes ask God why me, why? The pain lingered and kept on haunting me. This is far most the stressful week of my entire existence.

April 8 another heart attack haunted us followed by another last April 9 until April 10 when the doctors decide to make use of a defibrillator to revive her. The family convened to see her, I even bid my own farewell and accepted in my heart that maybe it’s her time to rest and be with Daddy and God but her will to live was so remarkable that even her doctors and nurses are amazed on how she’s able to survive massive heart attacks.

She is a fighter and her will to live is truly amazing.

On the other hand, I’m being haunted by a lot of thoughts. All these events for the past days are daunting. The demons in my head are feasting on my weakness and I can’t be with my thoughts for long. No matter what other people tell me to be strong and steadfast no matter what, I still feel like nothing. A future full of void and darkness, an unpurposeful life is showing. I pray, I prayed and will continue on praying to see the light in this journey. I don’t want to be crippled again by my own thoughts and succumbed to depression. Sometimes I’m thinking if I’ll be mad after this with all of the thoughts rushing in my head. I can’t be alone for long.

My mother kept on going while my own fire is about to go out. I pray for strength. I pray for the pain to end. I pray for wisdom.

I also want to say thank you to all the people who’ve helped us out. For family members who took time to visit, chat to check omand support us in these dreaded times, for friends who shared their help monetarily, for Tita Annabelle Panton who helped out a huge amount to make the surgery possible and for her contacts who also shared and for friends who’ve let me borrow huge amount of money to pay for our hospital bills. I feel so grateful to have great people as friends who treated me more than family. Friends who visited to remind me that I need to be strong and lastly for John Paul, my love who stayed with me in these desperate days of my life and kept me sane when I’m about to give up.

I don’t know if this is my life’s turning point. I know I’m extremely exhausted. I lay all the burden to God. I’m dead broke with huge amount of credit waiting to be paid. I don’t know how to start over again after all of this but I need to be strong, I know I need to be strong.

I hope someday life will be okay after this. I still need a huge help as of the moment. I still need to raise P80,000 to pay for the surgery and for the hospital bills. I beg to those who have a kind heart to help me out and save my mom. If her will to live is stronger then mine should be on that level too.

Account Name: Sharon Carol Lamb

BDO Account: 0045-2007-9112

BPI Account: 1399-1671-98

I’m an only child and I have no one to help me out in paying all the bills so I am begging for help to those who have a kind heart to support us in this journey. Any amount will surely go along way. Thank you so much.

Pray for us and for our family. I hope we’ll be able to survive this challenge.

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