I tried harder this year. I tried to feel the season but the feels won’t sink in. I guess Christmas is just another day for a young adult like me. It’s not as special as it seems. I remembered how sad I was two weeks ago after a good walk inside the mall. The longingness to go back to those days when everyone at home is too busy prepping up for the holidays. Today, cobwebs and dusts keep on piling up so as my pent up emotions.
This year I’m left with one inspiration, my mom. Three years passed since Tito’s death and life has never been the same. I begged for God to take ten years out of my life just for me to see them once again. I want to hug my dad and tell him how much I miss his smiles. I wanted to see my uncle and tell him that I love him. If only I can go back to those days, I will.
There are days when I feel a little nostalgic of those days. All those times I spent talking and arguing with my Tito Edsel, the quiet afternoons in our garden and those late night Teleserye sessions. My heart is full tonight because of all the memories that kept on drowning me but you see I can’t be sad tonight, not on God’s special day.
I got a simple prayer on Christmas Eve.
I love you. I just wanted to thank you for all the good and bad things that have happened this year. Keep me going, God. Keep me motivated to move forward despite the odds that I need to conquer. Keep me grateful for the simple things instead of chasing selfish dreams. I wanted to be better in dealing with my life. May I keep the fire inside me to ignite my own passions. May you my Lord find better ways to unfold my future.
Merry Christmas. To be continued.