adventures

A Thanksgiving For The Year That Was.

Disclaimer: This post has too many selfies. Viewer discretion is advised.

To start off, I failed my 30-day blogging challenge. You see I’ve been lazy and demotivated to write especially when my mind is not in sync to my soul. I just don’t want to write for the sake of writing, I always write what I feel.

Today, my heart is full.

I’m in my room right now trying to control my surging emotions. Aside from being grateful for another year, all of the challenges I’ve been through start flashing righ before my eyes. Battles that got worsen by my mind and days when I’ve almost lose everything were gone. I’m thankful for today and for who I’ve become over the years. The darkest of my days paved way to that strength I’ve never imagined I possess. To all the whines, complaints and suicidal thoughts that bothered me and how depression crippled me to see the beauty of this world, thank you because I’m glad I’m still here.

I thought my life was a curse. It was a series of fortunate and misfortunate events. A never ending saga of great feeling and then bombarded by bad luck causing me to hate everything I have. I guess time really teaches us to be wise because right now I’m thankful for all of it.

Being 28 was a whole lot of firsts. This is the age of wisdom, the age where I learned to appreciate my pains and made me better. It’s the age when I made bold decisions and embraced responsibilities I never thought I’ll be able to withstand.

Let me recall some of my firsts this year:

  • Learned how to drive
  • Got my passport
  • Got my driver’s license
  • Bank loan
  • Had mouth expanders that made me talk weird
  • Had braces
  • Got my premolars extracted
  • Ventured in online business
  • Learned to let go of past hangups and loved again
  • Ride a trike to explore places
  • First facial ever
  • Got glasses

The list goes on and let me add some near death experiences that I didn’t care much because I’m alive anyways. šŸ˜‚

I actually cried earlier because of my bestfriend’s message to me and I can’t thank him enough for all those years. I made the best decision this year to keep those people who brings out the best in me and not the beast in me. A lot of people come out way but not are all meant to stay. I thank all those who joined me once in my journey because somehow you are able to be part of my growth. I didn’t regret my decision to close some chapters because it was necessary for my own growth. I am proud of my friends list today.

I remembered how I became too emotional talking to a customer last week because he was an angel. You see not all days at work are good. There are days when I reassess myself and then realize how my skills are put into waste. I got tired of self-pitying and just reminded myself how it pays the bills. He was an angel because he reminded me of what I can become someday. If I believe in myself then I can go a long way. I can be an executive or some sort and that made me smile.

He also told me that I’m smart. A lot of people tell me that but I don’t usually believe it. I never believed that I’m smart. I used to have awards in school and even part of the president’s list in graduate school but to be honest it didn’t change the way I view myself… until last week. I thought people just tell me that I’m smart to boost and motivate me. Now, I’m starting to believe in it.

He told me that I was raised well by my parents. He can sense it on the way I’ve talked to him and how I’ve answered his questions. I almost cried while I’m talking to him because it reminded me of my cause back then, to make my parents proud of me. Oftentimes, I think that I failed my mom and dad because I haven’t make used of my skillset well. On better days, I knew I’m a good daughter.

I love my mom, my dad and my uncle. They did their best to provide me a better life even if I demanded more during those days when we are financially troubled. I love how they cared about me and supported my decisions. I’ve lost two of my pillars and my mom is also getting older… my fear is to lose her while I’m still finding myself. It’s a pain growing up without a father, more pain when my uncle died right before my eyes and I can’t imagine the pain I’ll face when I lost her. That is my only birthday wish this year… More years with my mom.

I’ll keep on being myself no matter what. I know that I’m grumpy at times, a total asshole to some and that friend with such comical character.

I am who I am and my attitude towards people is based on their attitude towards me and others. I value people that brings good vibes and hate those that generates animosity.

I’ll strive to be better. The strength I’ve acquired over the years will make me surpass the trials that will come. I am better today because I choose to be better, I choose the f*cks worth f*cking and simply trusting the process.

To all the people who took their time to greet me and showed their love, I am thankful. Thanks for reminding me that my existence is well appreciated and for boosting my bruised ego. I promised myself to continue living life with an optimistic mindset. I will continue to share my compassion and kindness, a promise to make life a better place to live.

To the man I love and will always love, thanks for bringing light into my world and for always reminding me that I’m worth loving. I love you John Paul.

Cheers to more years…

And more Pabebe days with you…

I still have problems to face and more challenges to encounter. I’ve thread so much for 28 years and now, a new chapter unfolds. I don’t know what’s in store on my 29th year but I face it with a taunting smile as I whisper “bring it on”.

Happy 29th to me, such an oldie! šŸ˜‚

personal

Day 10: Corporate Jargons and Millenials

If only I can travel and sleep for a living, I will. I’m stuck in a corporate job doing my best to meet deadlines and targets in order for me to pass my scorecard. It’s mentally draining and most millenials may find it boring, exhausting, frustrating and excruciating when IG posts features lives of dogs and cats that are earning thousands of dollars just for being adorable while on the other hand, I’m here auditing calls and coaching folks to do what they can to hit their metrics.

It’s not that I am ungrateful or hate the job that I do, it’s just that sometimes if you just let it it’ll totally take much of your 24 hour time. I work as a team lead for a famous BPO company in the Philippines and I’m thankful because of it I got my Master’s degree, got a new car, got to travel, paid my bills and invested in insurance plans for my future. Aside from the pros, the cons also outweigh my emotions towards having a nice job.

The BPO industry helped our economy for the past years and I can’t imagine our country without it. As long as you’re English proficient, you will surely land a job. The stress and success goes a long way for those who persevered. It’s not easy to adjust on flexible start times and rest days. It’s crazy especially if you are living far from the office then good luck!

Most employees right now are millenials whose interest and tolerance levels varies. It’s not that they are not competitive, it’s more of pursuing things they are passionate about as much as possible rather than be stuck in a 9 hour work that kills you slowly in the inside. Some always ask, is it worth it to be practical rather than choosing happiness even if it will never pay your bills? Adulthood sucks, nobody knows how to survive this as there is no better way to learn unless you experience it.

Maybe you’re wondering why I came up with corporate jargons and millenials as a title of this blog. TBH IDK.

It’s just that right now, everything is evolving knowing that it’s 2018 already. I appreciate agents who would call me TL rather than tee or teh as it annoys me sometimes knowing that we are working in a call center and you can’t even pronounce it right. TL stands for team lead and OM stands for operations manager… It cringes me as well hearing people calling a manager as “ohm” instead of “oh-em”. There are a lot of corporate Jargons that I live each day and it’s not easy to discuss things to friends who are not on the same industry. Most of my used Jargons are the following:

  • Let’s park that question
  • Doing DDA – deep dive analysis
  • BRB
  • FYI
  • Let’s work on our FTD scores (fiscal to date)
  • PTO please (paid time off)
  • Ensure EOD scores please (end of day)
  • AHT please!
  • Lost hours

And the list goes on and on…

May we all find job to love, value and care about especially if you’re not able to find it yet.

personal

Day 9: Defeat and What You Did Next

I found my self rehashing some events wherein I felt so defeated. Numerous fails and almosts in all aspects of my life and I don’t know why I’m still here. I call it set backs, a short detour prior to my best destination. There are times when I persevered so much and ended up failing… Maybe I just didn’t try hard enough.

The most unforgettable defeat moment I’ve experienced is losing the chance to graduate with honors in graduate school. I know I’m a little bit of a slacker compared to who I was in college but I know I did my part. I almost failed my managerial accounting class because of a cheating case that screwed a lot of folks — including me. It was terrible knowing that I am not that kind of person. It got resolved and we’re able to graduate. What saddens me though is when you try so hard to make things right and succeed, a setback is always in place. Not that I’m new to it, in fact I’ve been so used to this right now that I became numb when things don’t go my way.

I guess time plays a part here. At first you’ll feel myriad of emotions and from Okay to not Okay feels you’ll just find yourself happy again despite on what have happened. I see every defeat as a chance for me to do better or simply move forward because what else can I do. We can’t hold grudges forever as it ruins you instead of helping you. It’s not easy to accept defeat all the time but accept it eventually in time and just go through life and experience new adventures or another set of challenges bound to ruin your positivity in life.

Just. Keep. GOING.

It’s not the first time I’ve experienced failure. I’ve got a lot I tell you and even now it never stopped. I always encounter a lot of work frustrations that sometimes I’m about to give up. I even question my own leadership and intellect on why others can move their teams up while I’m plainly having a mediocre attainment. Maybe I’ve been mediocre whole life or maybe I’m just to proud of myself that I expect too much on everyone and too much for myself. It’s a journey still to accept defeat, to plan what’s next and to find your niche. Sometimes it is not working because it might not meant to work in the first place. We are all sucker for success but what if we are not destined to be successful at your corporate job but is bound to be in our passion. Who knows? We should not stop ourself from taking risks just because it didn’t go our way in the first place. We should keep going until we get used to the feeling of failing and still celebrate milestones achieved.

Don’t let your self doubt hinder your way to a better and productive future. All we need is to be self aware and make use of our strengths in our own advantage. It’s always a good battle regardless of the results if you did all you can to win. Life is not about winning, it’s about learning and experiencing — a realization I had after 28 years. I’ve been better in dealing with this now compared to years ago when I threw fits and hated God for not giving me what I want and what I think I deserved.