In this modern world we are bombarded by what we should be in order to gain society’s respect and appreciation. This has been a disturbing thought hovering my mind while I’m inside a bus with strangers on my way home.
Sucks how it feels to contain my emotions and tame my inner beasts when I want to point out how exasperating living in this kind of world where beauty has its certain standards and if you are not thin, fair and straight haired you are ugly. We live in a society where body shaming is rampant and if it’s the reason why no one loves you then that’s plainly stupid and unfair. I am now furious.
A friend said that I should be realistic and that men right now are attracted with women whose vital statistics is that of a beauty queen and looks like Liza Soberano ( Philippines’ girl next door and every teenage guy’s crush). Nobody should tell me about reality for I know it better than my worst nightmare. Anyways, I still think that kind of mindset is so superficial and this is not me talking about Beauty and the Beast and why I still find Beast hot despite his looks. It’s just people pointing out that I should accept that fact that men wants to have sex and not someone to love. I get the point of living out the hormones but isn’t it unfair for boys to be judged that way and vice versa?
What in the world? Is this what love needs to be? Changing to be someone we’re not because who we are is not what society’s standard of sexiness? F**k that!
Being judged by many that I have high standards also exasperate me. It’s always frustrating for me to start defending myself with that kind of stereotype. Sometimes I am wondering what if I am not who I am now and that maybe I’m less smarter then probably the world will see my worth and love me. I want to break all those notions about me or maybe I am not just enough. Friends say I’m too choosy, wtf? Is it wrong to pray for someone who gets you and how your thoughts are wired? Is it wrong to wish for someone who’ll accept you for who you are and what you are not? Telling me to wait for my prince patiently is plainly bullshit. Timing again is never my strong suit.
It’s not going to happen anymore… I guess.
I gave up hoping us much as I gave up believing life will make sense someday. Instead, I’ll make the most of my today. As the clock ticks and days pass by, I felt like a withered rose waiting for its time to bid goodbye in this world. I never imagined my life to be a spinster but if it’s the fate I’m solely destined to then by all means let it be. I don’t want to spend the whole afternoon reading books with dogs curling on my feet and cats in sofa waiting to be pet. I cannot imagine myself taking care of cacti and spraying orchids in a midsummer morning. I cannot be alone in a home for the aged. I need to die before 50 if that’s the case. Mercy killing would be a better option. Morbid as it sounds but it’s the best thing to do as I cannot imagine my life without my mom. I don’t know how to start my life all over knowing I already lose both parents — a thought I can no longer comprehend and even imagine.
I decided to make the most of my today. Earn as much as I can for me to travel. I am escaping my own reality because it keeps me sane. Dwelling into the facts of my own life can sometimes be suffocating.This kind of reality about people and how they measure beauty upsets me. I have a lot of single friends asking why? Even I wondered why.
Life’s probably just so unfair and we don’t simply get what we want. We wish for love and it’ll never be meant for us. We wish for success and it’ll take time before we reap the fruits of our hard work. We wish we are this person without appreciating ourselves because society tells us that they are the epitome of beauty and men wants a Gigi Hadid than Adele.
I’m calming my mind as of the moment thinking it’s just probably me having PMS.I should not be bothered by this as I should not even care. Let society be society. Let people think whatever they think. Let them fall in love with models. Let them body shame people. Let them measure beauty by what we see in print ads, magazines and billboards or even social media likes. I’m tired of understanding the world and some people. I would want them to understand me too and why I’m such a difficult person to argue with as of the moment. I don’t need kind words to feel good. Whatever.
Let it be! The hell I care.