“Have you ever thought of someone like you’ve never thought of someone before? ”
During my recent trip, I decided to actually find myself and get connected on what my inner voice is saying. I’ve been blinded for quite some time trying to push on some things that are not even working out and I’m talking not just about relationships but career as well. I’ve been out of tune for quite some time and still in search of life’s great meaning. So I went to Simala Church, one of the most miraculous churches in the country wherein most of those who believe got their wishes come true. I must say that I’m not really a devotee nor religious. I can describe myself as someone who believes in a Supreme Being but not a total fan of Christian traditions. I don’t even read all chapters in the bible. I just believe in God and in goodness to others. To cut the long story short, I decided to take my chances in Simala. I need divine intervention to sort my chaotic life. I know I needed this trip.
Last March 12, I flew to Cebu and rushed to the South Cebu Terminal to catch the bus going to Sibonga where Simala Shrine is located. Fare costs at around P63 if I recall it perfectly for an air-conditioned bus. It’s a 2-hour and a half trip where I get the chance to use Google maps for the first time. I am a bit alarmed since the church is only open until 6pm and I was on the bus at 3pm due to heavy traffic from Mactan Airport to the bus terminal.
I am glad that I was able to arrived in the nick of time. Habal habals are available on the main road and they’ll be the ones to take you to the shrine for 20 pesos. It was a perfect time for me to contemplate especially that the shrine is so beautiful at dusk.
I lit my colored candles for a specific purpose and prayed.
I lit 5 candles because I know I needed it.
Black ( for souls ): My uncle recently died during my mom’s birthday and I am surprised at the same time saddened of his death. He is really funny and very nice to me. I love him so much.
I also prayed for my other uncle who died last November. I asked for forgiveness since I was not able to provide him all he wants. I am still starting to save up for my future and been into a lot of financial problems due to family matters that I need to resolve.
Green (prosperity ): I wanted to be financially stable and start to work on my future. I know I needed this to provide my family’s wants.
Gold (health): I prayed for my mom’s health to be better as I want her to still see her future grandchild. I must admit I’m not into getting married as of the moment but I wanted my mom to at least be able to see me stable and raise a family I can call my own.
White ( Guidance ): My life seems to be pointing nowhere and until now I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m starting to give up and surrender the steering wheel to God for I am headed into damnation. It’s been like this for years already.
Red ( Love ) : Being single starts to be uncomfortable at this age. I’m starting to question my own worth, my personality and the likes. It’s exasperating to keep on thinking what I need to change in order to attract someone. I’ve keep on praying and wishing that someone will see me more than a friend but God keeps on denying those prayers. It’s been years full of false hopes but still nothing. I start asking myself why, why am I not worth the words? Am I not good enough? The belief I have on myself has been clouded with uncertainties. I questioned my being. I started to feel the blues plus the fear of growing up alone. I decided to surrender this time, to lay my hopes unto God’s feet and let him decide on what’s best for me. I prayed to find him, the one who’ll make me believe that it’s okay to love and be love.
It is one perfect view to indulge into while my thoughts drift into nothingness. Various thoughts were clouding my mind and I just let it happen, I let those thoughts overflow because I know it’s my needed break.
Travelling back to Cebu City made me feel fulfilled because I was able to go to Simala alone. It’s true that in order for us to connect we must disconnect for the mean time.
Travelling alone gives you the chance to know more about yourself, it makes you feel so independent and brave. It’s a tough act to follow and I want to experience it all over again. I never trusted myself that much for quite some time due to fear that I might get lost.
It’s a chaotic world we got here and I realized that I should slow down and feel all the adventures as well as my misadventures. I should be positive and trust God for he knows what is best for me.
For now, I give up. I’ll let him take the lead.
I never thought of someone as much as I’ve thought of someone right now. Is he the one? I hope so.