I don’t want to be geeky today except I decided to be a little cheesy before I start reviewing for my comprehensive exams. I know I am slacking off right now just because my thoughts are actually bothering me big time. Here’s what I’ve been up to for the past hour, thinking of finally quitting my job before the year ends to rediscover the world, to be who I wanted to be… as what I have always dream of except that in the deepest corners of my heart lies that truth, I just cannot go and leave my daily routine for a lot of reasons and that reason is… YOU.
I don’t want to write about you.
I don’t want the world to know about you.
But I can’t help it… you are the strongest force that is currently inside me, you are whirling around in my mind like an insane typhoon daunting people and your magnitude is too high that my heart can be shattered into pieces. You are one strong force that actually changed the course of my life.
You are the best and can be the worst thing ever happened to me.
You and your craziness.
You and your weirdness.
You make me write in reasons I actually don’t know.
You just make me write, make me rekindle back my old high school self who is inlove with sheer poetry.
You make me see things beautifully, always on a lighter note.
You don’t know how life changing you can be, you don’t know how an independent and free-spirited kid suddenly thrived into you. I don’t know what happened but this crazy force is totally gives me a certain high. You, my friend made me believe in love all over again. You made me start over again. You made me whole again after 12 years of not believing, of hoping, of hating… You and only a crazy guy like you made me fix my shit and believe in forever once more.
I see a kid, young, lost and free in your eyes. I don’t know what is running in your mind when you look at me because I am a complete shit whose life I cannot even fix asap. I am running in circles, stuck in this world, contemplating about my life and simply not knowing where to start. I hope you learn to love this young girl who despite the challenges she is facing is still smiling. I hope you will see that this girl wants to have someone who will save her from her own wilderness, together they will save the world – they will save each other.
I want you to be with me in this crazy life. Us, watching the sunset together arguing what food to eat. Us, running around like kids and finishing each other sentences. Us, believing in each other’s prowess and loving life like we used to. Together, we can be a great team. If you only know how much I love you. You know how I put up all the walls and be strong for all these years but you make me think twice most of the time. With you, I feel real, I can be myself comfortably except for those times when I am with your friends and I feel so awkward I prayed that the world will just eat me alive. You made me feel all the emotions I never felt before. You are the greatest if not the best feeling I have ever felt before.
Let me daydream for a while.
Let me believe that this is a great chance for me to be happy.
Let me believe that we have a future.
Let me hold on to this daydream before I decide to let go of the present and start my life all over again away from my daily routine… a fresh start, without the people I used to have in my life, without the work I have since graduation, without the life I choose to live.
Let me decide this time as wisely as possible… to hold on or to finally let go.
I want you to be the influential person who can change the course of my life