05/26 – Day 185: Note to Self — Random Day

I’m satisfied with who I am and what I become and very much excited of who I will be someday. 🙂

We do have insecurities… our eyes, our nose, uneven complexion, buck teeth and the list goes on and on…
I was once insecure of myself. I used to think that I am not capable of doing things. I don’t think I am as beautiful as the models in magazines. I don’t believed that I can be great because I don’t have the confidence within me. I have a lot of flaws and does not know where to place myself in this cruel and unfair world. I just write and write about how I feel about things and cry at night if I cannot take it anymore. Anyhow, it took me a while to become who I am as of the moment. It took me a while to developed my “Win” personality.

People won’t actually believed when I tell them that I used to be a quiet, shy type and aloof kiddo. I became too hard to myself by being too competitive so that I can prove myself and my worth. High school was tough at first but it actually helped me in gaining my much needed confidence. I joined different organizations and find myself in love with the causes of Red Cross. Our team always win in debate sessions but I stopped debating when I lose in college. I was too frustrated that I don’t want to debate again. Petty? I know. Besides, I hate being a debater anyway, one way or another your emotions can sometimes affect you. I still have my opinion on things but I am no longer too radical to fight for what I believed in unless people tries to hit my ego then it’ll be a different story.

So, how did I become an optimist?
To be honest, I’ve been through a lot for the past decade. Some won’t believe it but i guess that’s how our life rocks and rolls. I had major and minor heartbreaks. There was a time I condemned boys for being cheaters and for giving us false hopes but you still can’t help but to fall in love again and again — so I just live with it. 😉
All the challenges, the struggles, the pains, the sufferings, the frustrations and the fears that I faced molded me into who I am today. Someday, one way or another we will see its significance. It happened because it was bound to happen. It needed to happen for us to know that we need to trust God and his will. We need to be frustrated for us to work harder and be the best version of ourselves so that next time we will be ready to face the challenges. Our pains, the burdens that we need to carry is just one of the many that one being is also carrying on his end. The only fair thing in our world is that everybody has their own fair share of unfairness. Suffering is inevitable but the courage to rise after the fall is always an option. We should stop seeing the glass as half empty instead we should see it as half full. A good mindset and a positive outlook in everything that may come your way is your key to success.

I stopped worrying about my life.
I started forgiving people who tried to ruin my life. I forgive but never forget by the way.
I give chances not just to circumstances and people but also to myself.
I embraced every bit of myself, I may not be perfect but I know that God made me to be like this because of a greater purpose.
I am happy of who I become and thank God for the pains I successfully survived because my view on certain things and my life definitely changed for the better.
Today, I am not insecure… instead of being frustrated that I am not a good dancer nor the best singer, I know that I have talents to boot and skills to be proud of.
If people don’t like the idea of I working in a call center and did not turn out to be a programmer, I don’t actually give a damn. Working in a call center is a noble job, I’m with one of the best companies that offer the best benefits and besides I do programming now so spare me from your stereotyping.

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